<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>So Close, So Far by AfflictedwithAlliteration</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24129658">So Close, So Far</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AfflictedwithAlliteration/pseuds/AfflictedwithAlliteration'>AfflictedwithAlliteration</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Dark Chocolate [15]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Undertale (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Fellswap (Undertale), Angst, Drabble, Hurt No Comfort, Inspired by Music, Reader-Insert, Save Yourself-Kaleo, gender-neutral</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 16:40:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>820</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24129658</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AfflictedwithAlliteration/pseuds/AfflictedwithAlliteration</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Mutt would never accept it but you could never resist it, and in the end you'd both hurt.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Papyrus (Undertale)/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Dark Chocolate [15]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/848361</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>So Close, So Far</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Curled at your side, the two of you slouched on the couch, close enough to feel him breathing. Simple, satisfying, so easy that your heart raced. It wasn’t so much nerves as a rushing, endless wave of affection that never seemed to leave when he was around. It swelled and hit a crest at your lips, spilling over softly in the quiet of the room. </p>
<p>“I love you.”</p>
<p>It took less than a second for him to dismiss it.</p>
<p>“Sure, ya do.”</p>
<p>The tone he takes isn’t missed but you try to play it off a little lighter, pushing his shoulder in a soft shove. Teasing, tentative, but you want it to pour into him.</p>
<p>“I’m serious!”</p>
<p>“…so am I.”</p>
<p>“Hey!” You know how he feels about demanding things, about sharp words, but you can’t help the tone. It makes you wince a bit when he sits up and glares, but you blurt out the rest, knowing better than to reach for him. Hoping the words work better as lures. “I do.”</p>
<p>“Well don’t.”</p>
<p>In surrender you raise your hands. “Fine. I won’t say it, but you can’t stop me from feeing it.”</p>
<p>It’s petty. You don’t want to fight; it makes your heart stutter now. His eyes are hollowed out, an opposite reaction to the water swelling in yours. The way he pulls away is more than physical now. Only giving you the smallest mercy when he catches your aborted movement to reach out. </p>
<p>“Ya don’t need someone like me, darlin’.”</p>
<p>“Mut—Papyrus—”</p>
<p>“M’serious.”</p>
<p>“Why not?”</p>
<p>“Ya know why.”</p>
<p>“I don’t.”</p>
<p>“You’re too good, it ain’t right.”</p>
<p>The laughter that slips out is bitter and wet, and you smile crookedly at him. “That so? Because I distinctly remember a Soul check that said I’m no better.”</p>
<p>“That was before—”</p>
<p>“Not being an asshole all the time doesn’t make me a saint! Being nice to you isn’t some great thing, I do it because I want to. I could ignore anyone else like you.”</p>
<p>“That’s cause ya don’t see it. Ya don’t see yourself like I do.” He sighs and shakes his head, standing up, everything to distance himself. And even though he towers over you now, it’s like you’re a thousand miles above him. Too far to touch even though he just has to stretch out a hand to meet yours.</p>
<p>You grit your teeth.</p>
<p>“I hate when you do that.”</p>
<p>The shift from pleading to anger makes him flinch away, and you hate that too. Hate how easily he lets you hurt him. Then he is lazy smirks and smile, a roll of his shoulders to shrug off everything, like a dog shaking water. </p>
<p>“Sorry, darlin’.”</p>
<p>“You should be.” If he’s running, shaking off the water then you’ll corner him, drown him in it. “Because this pedestal? It fucking sucks. I’m not better than anyone else and I’m always waiting to fall off it.”</p>
<p>Like now.</p>
<p>Every time you make him shut down you feel yourself falling only to hit the top of his next plateau, hard enough to leave you paralyzed when he could just catch you instead. Or save you both the trouble and let you fall completely. </p>
<p>You stare at each other; you are glaring and his face frozen in something that had once been frightening but now just hurts to look at. You don’t want to give but you can feel it beating against the flimsy dam you’ve made, everything you try to push at him shoved back until you can’t breathe. And when he turns away you know you’ve lost. You bite your lip and wait only until he takes a step back. The effort he makes to walk and not teleport says more than anything he could verbalize. It’s enough to break you, surging up off the couch to block his escape. </p>
<p>With a defeated grin your arms open wide. </p>
<p>A lifeline in the harbor waiting for him to grab hold.</p>
<p>“…I won’t say it again.”</p>
<p>Then you wait.</p>
<p>Still waters.</p>
<p>He’s cautious, like a cornered animal. You know he’ll bite you, but you keep doing it because he’s always worth a few little punctures. Especially when the relief finally flickers across his face, desperately pulling you to him and relaxing into your arms as you both fall back to the couch, slow and steady. Those same feelings swell, your grip tightening but you bite the words back this time pushing them back to the depths. </p>
<p>A tenuous peace, like a Reset button of your own making. You close your eyes to stop the flow threatening to still spill until your breathing evens, like you could fall asleep. Only then do you hear him. It’s quiet. Soft. A final mumble like a parting shot you aren’t meant to hear.</p>
<p>“See? Too good.”</p>
<p>As close are you are, touching, and wrapped in each other in every other way…</p>
<p>You’ve never felt farther apart. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Playing around with writing style here and got inspired by the song, it really struck me (for my interpretation anyway) as fitting for Mutt! </p>
<p>Heres a <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0YySkt6--h0">link to the song</a> because if you haven't heard it yet you should, I adore Kaleo (they are like 69% of my angst playlist). :D</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>